


Bodyguards

by LizzyFranklin



Category: Original Work
Genre: bodyguards, career workshop, important considerations, proper posing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:16:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29522130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzyFranklin/pseuds/LizzyFranklin
Summary: Good afternoon!  Welcome to the first day of the Symposium For Working Bodyguards.  Today I’ll be talking about some basic Dos and Don’ts of bodyguard accoutrements.





	Bodyguards

Good afternoon! Welcome to the first day of the Symposium For Working Bodyguards. Today I’ll be talking about some basic Dos and Don’ts of bodyguard accoutrements.

**On Weaponry**

When you think of a bodyguard for a hotshot wizard or a petty lord, what do you think of? Some brute, bristling with weapons: throwing knives in wrist sheaths, a gigantic two-handed sword across his back, a short sword at his side, a knife in each boot… In short, people think of Big Bad Bodyguards as people who carry 50-100 pounds – or more! – of metal tucked in uncomfortable places.

After twenty years in the business, I gotta say: if you can’t deal with most situations without a weapon, you’re doing it wrong.

The foundation of a bodyguard’s training should be social manipulation – learning to finesse people so that they never become a problem. When social manipulation fails, hand-to-hand combat is a must-have in your Big Bad Toolbox.

Yes, knives look sharp, and swords are shiny, but pack too many of them and they’ll slow you down – and, worst of all, they make you look incompetent. Who wants a bodyguard who won’t walk down a city street without a small armory strapped in visible and not-so-visible locations? (And some of those locations! Ouch!) Chances for you to disarm in a menacing fashion – showing off all those carefully-concealed weapons – are few and far between. In the meantime, you’ll be stuck hauling the extra encumbrance, and if you do get the chance to disarm dramatically, it may have an effect more in common with the unloading of a clown car than the tough image you hope to project.

Draw a sword only when you have the space to use it. Light swords, such as epée and rapier, require horizontal space; heavy swords – any that rely on weight and size and swinging to cut – require horizontal and vertical space. Fields, courtyards and large rooms with high-vaulted ceilings are ideal for sword work. In rooms with ceilings lower than eight or nine feet high, knives or hand-to-hand combat are more likely to prove useful. If you’re taller than me – I’m slightly above average for a woman – the ceiling will need to be proportionally higher to allow heavy sword work. When you’re on duty, always survey your environment carefully for hanging lamps, rafters, or other obstructions so that you know what weaponry will be ideal, if it becomes necessary. Forests are only good for heavy sword work if they are very old forests with high canopies and no young growth to foul your blade.

If an opponent disarms you, focus your attention on fighting your foe, not regaining your weapon. It doesn’t help if you get your hand on your weapon and a knife in your back.

Some of the weapon choices of the fashion-conscious nouveau-bodyguards are of questionable utility. Yes, stiletto hair sticks are awesome and cool, but let’s put them in context. Our model, Destria, will demonstrate hair stick use. Polluk will pose as her foe.

You’re at a soiree. Your gorgeous, flowing hair is elegantly bound up with a pair of hair sticks that are concealed stilettos. A security event occurs. One of several things may happen:

In the first scenario, you raise your hands over your head, one to hold the sheath, the other to pull the stiletto. When doing this, see how Destria arches into beautiful lines that make for a lovely portrait but bad defense. The movement attracts the attention of her foe, Polluk, who turns from his initial target to deal with her while she is in this less-defensible position – complete, in this case, with her sleeve obscuring her vision. In this scenario, hair sticks are a short shaft to a belly wound.

In the next scenario, Destria suavely reaches back one-handed to draw her stiletto. This keeps one hand in defensive position and allows her to pose dramatically. Go ahead with the move, Destria. As you can see, the likely has occurred. The sheath pulled out with the blade. Destria must now waste a moment pulling blade from sheath …or, as she has chosen instead, she can jump straight to hand-to-hand. Nice kick, Destria. Within moments, as you see, her luxuriant hair cascades around her in a waterfall that is lovely and, ultimately, lethal. I’m not saying it’s impossible to have long hair and be a bodyguard; I’m just suggesting that using your weaponry to pin your hair out of the way is a recipe for disaster.

For the last scenario, let’s pretend that Destria has succeeded in smoothly drawing her stiletto. See Destria’s pause as she compares her weapon to Polluk’s. No joke, if you believe a blade is crucial for your defense, you will judge your ability to defend by the size of your blade, and psyche yourself out when confronted with a bigger weapon or a bigger opponent. You’re better mentally focused if you rely on hand-to-hand combat rather than fumbling for a tiny weapon. Tiny blades can be very effective, but only if you remember that you are the weapon, and anything that comes to hand can be used as extensions of that weapon.

Thank you, Destria and Polluk, for providing that illustration.

**On Armor**

While we’re talking about fashion accessories, let’s talk a bit about armor in general.

Choose armor that is appropriate to your surroundings, and which will not injure you in the course of normal wear.

Chain mail should always have padded cloth beneath it. A tantalizing bit of skin may look flashy, but what happens when your response time is slowed and your mind distracted by its chafing? Chain mail loin cloths are particularly problematic. Sonia, will you model, please?

The argument is that chainmail bikinis are for fighters who depend on speed and flexibility rather that protective clothing. The problem is that chainmail bikinis, loincloths and whatnot actually inhibit free movement and slow you down. They may hang perfectly in front of you at rest, but in a fight they have the damnable tendency to catch between your thighs and, depending on style, in your butt crack. This is not a happy place for abrasions. When you’re fighting, you want to remain focused on the fight. If you’re going to expose most of your vital organs during a fight, wear something comfortable. Otherwise, wear armament that will actually deflect cuts and help to dissipate blunt force blows. Thank you, Sonia.

Don’t rely on gimmicks. I’ve seen a woman undo her halter top before battle to distract her male opponents. This forced her into the same position as drawing hair stick stilettos would have, and with the same perfectly predictable result: her opponent ran her through while she was fussing with the knot.

On the other end of the spectrum from trendy chain mail accoutrements is full plate armor. Kyle and Drake, will you model for us, please? Ah, yes, I see you’re already sweating. 

There are several types of plate armor. Kyle is wearing tourney armor, while Drake is modeling articulated plate. Tourney plate should only be used when you are on a horse – a large one – and have a baggage train, or are at a tourney. It’s too heavy to wear for significant periods of time, exhausts your mount, and inhibits movement for hand-to-hand fighting. It’s hot enough to put you in danger of heat fatigue anywhere but the most temperate of climates. Heavy, tourney-style plate mail is for knights. It was designed for mounted use on the battlefield, and it’s good for that, but it’s not ideal for most bodyguard duties. Thank you, Kyle.

Articulated plate is good for fighting on foot, and can be worn all day, if you’re used to it … and if you don’t mind looking like a pretentious git. Thank you, Drake, you have perfected the “pretentious git hand wave”. You may also notice one other quality of articulated plate: it’s loud. This is not a good choice for personal protection when discretion is necessary.

Notice one feature that all suits of plate mail armor share: large, enclosed helmets. These will muffle your hearing and restrict the range of your vision. To be sure, you can take the helmet off…but then what do you do with it, if you don’t have a saddle to hang it on? As a bodyguard, you probably don’t have a man-at-arms trailing along after you.

Thank you, lads. Now go take your smelly armor somewhere else.

**On Post-Kill Posturing**

On to proper style for bodyguard flourishes. 

Some people will tell you not to pose after a kill or a take-down. This is not entirely true. While it is important to choose your time and place wisely, posing dramatically can greatly enhance your image and professional cachet. 

Dark alleys are no good for posing. Unless you position yourself to make a silhouette, it’s unlikely that anyone will notice, and there’s a greater chance of your foes’ friends sneaking up behind you. 

Battlefields are iffy. Only stop to pose if you’ve cleared an area around you. There’s nothing more embarrassing than posing dramatically only to be jostled from behind. So – pick a spot in which you have cleared the foes around you. Even then, be wary of archers. Waiting until the end of the battle is ideal.

A word to the wise: when posing, don’t straddle your kill. Sometimes you discover the buggers aren’t dead yet, leaving you in a highly awkward position. Also, that pose is so three-decades-ago.

Less is more. Don’t use exaggerated poses. When your employer is attacked in the middle of a grand soiree, the audience is bound to press away from the fight. This provides a great stage to pose after the fight. When you check for further attackers – and you should always look for further attackers – simply do so with a glower and an attitude, rather than more dramatic displays of triumph. People are much more impressed by a bodyguard who remains both unfazed and unimpressed by an attack.

I see the timekeeper is telling me my session is over. Thanking you for listening. Enjoy the rest of the symposium, and I hope to see you at tomorrow’s workshop, “Using Long Hair Offensively and Defensively.”


End file.
